brokenness

I'm just trying to write my club talk for this Friday.
I need to make a confession.
I don't feel like I should be telling other people about God.
I feel like I would be a hypocrite.
not that I don't believe in Him and love him. I do. I'm just hardly ever praying or reading my Bible except to do a club talk. That doesn't seem good enough.
it's not good enough,
I know I'm not good enough.
the funny thing is i felt this way two weeks ago for my first club of the year. but God in his grace still blessed the evening, the leaders and my talk.
i'm just not feeling it lately
i'm not living out my faith
i'm not on fire for God right now
but i also can't do anything without Him,
so its kinda leaving me a mess.
i don't know what's wrong with me i just dont' feel like it, don't feel like praying, don't feel like reading the bible.
but i still think God is teaching me something.
that it's not up to me, it's up to Him.
it's not how much i try or read or pray, it's his only his strength
even when i'm being a "bad kid" giving my daddy the silent treatment He still turns to me with love, patience and grace. It's unbelievable.
I'm so thankful that He doesn't give up easily

"A bruised reed he will not break and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out" Matt. 12:20

God thank you so much that you don't snuff out smoldering wicks. thank you that you still use imperfect, messed up people to tell others about you. please help me not to pretend i'm perfect, but to be honest about my struggles and maybe someone else who feels the same way will be encouraged that they're not alone. God i want to shine brightly for you, but thank you that when the light is dim You are still there and can work things together for your glory. In my weakness you are strong.

Belief

"You can't be mad at God and not believe in Him at the same time"
- from "House"

great quote, thought I'd share it.

Yay Fall!

So happy it's the fall season,

my favourite because of:

birthdays (also sad)
leaves
perfect temperature
blackberries, apples, pears
fall fair
"harvest time"
the colours
routines!
school (even though I'm not going anymore)

I'm really happy that this morning Bible study thing I go to started up today. I don't realize how important community and connecting with others is until it's gone for awhile. We also had a discussion about church recently at the young life leaders meeting. Most of us agreed church was more about connecting with people than going to a certain building every Sunday. Church on Sunday is great, but it sure helps when it's supplemented by a smaller Bible study or group. You can actually get to know people better in a smaller group.
I love it too because Bethany gets to play in the nursery with some other kids and babysitters during the study and before the study we walk the dike.
So if you are free Wednesday mornings and would like to check out this study let me know!
we walk at 9 and the study starts at 10 at the CRC church!

christian

I got this email the other day and found it encouraging. I think it reminds Christians to be humble about who they are in Christ and give all credit back to God...


"When I say that 'I am a Christian', I am not shouting that 'I am clean living.
I'm whispering 'I was lost, but now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.


When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect.
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.


When I say 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.


When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow! "

counter cultural kindness

My sister was in town this weekend and it was so great to see her! She was telling me that her and her friend rented a movie at Video Network and there were people outside making hotdogs. The smell instantly made them want one so they asked how much it was. The response was FREE!!! They didn't believe the guy, it can't be free! They tried to give him $2 but the hotdog makers refused to take it. They even had cookies, watermelon and bottled water free for anyone! My sister and her friend were so blown away and impressed by this. Turns out they were from a church in town that does this the last Sunday of every month. So they ate their hotdogs and chatted with the people there.
I absolutely loved hearing this. As a believer in Christ I often hear of people who do not show the love and kindness of Jesus and I feel ashamed, so it was refreshing to hear this story.
What great way to give back to the community and share not only food and nourishment, but share in a real way the selflessness and kindness of God.
Hope God blesses these people and everyone else that does these random acts of kindness! Such an encouragement :) :) :) :)

Peace, Perfect Peace

*This is an excerpt from a devotional*

"I will give you assured peace in this place.
Jeremiah 14:13
'Worry,' says Vance Havner, 'is like sitting in a rocking chair. It will give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere.' Worry and anxiety have hounded the human race since the beginning of time, and modern man with all his innovations has not found the cure for the plague of worry.
What is the answer? Imagine in your mind a ferocious ocean storm beating against a rocky shore. The lightning flashes, the thunder roars, the waves lash the rocks. But then imagine that you see a crevice in the rocky cliff - and inside is a little bird, its head serenely tucked under its wing, fast asleep. It knows the rock will protect it, and thus it sleeps in peace.
God promised Moses, 'I will put you in the cleft of the rock, and will cover you with My hand.' (Exod. 33:22). That is God's promise to us. Christ is our Rock, and we are secure in His hands forever. The storm rages, but our hearts are at rest."

-Billy Graham "Hope for Each Day-Words of Wisdom and Faith"

I just wanted to share this with you because I found the image of the little bird so perfect. Usually though, if I'm the bird I'm sitting in the crack in the rock looking out at the storm trembling, shaking and wincing at each lightning flash. All because I fail to acknowledge how strong and big God is compared to any storm. Anyways I really liked the imagery :)

Last full day at camp

Well i've been at Rockridge Canyon the last 4 days. It was beautiful on the weekend so I was able to swim in the pool. Today is an inside day. It's quite cold. 
I have really enjoyed the community, the worship, the learning and the rest in this gorgeous place. It's been great to get to know John and Avonne Elley who will be moving to Port Alberni to do Young Life. They are wonderful people that I look foward to getting to know better and work with. 
    I really miss my little sweetie and my big sweetie. I get to see them again tomorrow !!!
    I've been getting some great reminders not to try to do it all on my own, I need God and I need people around me to lean on as well. 
     God is good as always, and I thank him for this beautiful place and for the people he has called to serve in this mission.