Desiring God

"Out of the blue, as it were, I realized that the bar had
been raised. Manageable, duty-defined, decision-oriented, willpower
Christianity now seemed easy, and real Christianity had become impossible.
The emotions—or affections, as former generations called them—
which I was now free to enjoy, proved to be beyond my reach. The
Christian life became impossible. That is, it became supernatural.
Now there was only one hope, the sovereign grace of God. God
would have to transform my heart to do what a heart cannot make itself
do, namely, want what it ought to want. Only God can make the
depraved heart desire God. Once when Jesus’ disciples wondered about
the salvation of a man who desired money more than God, he said to
them, “With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are
possible with God” (Mark 10:27). "

This is from a John Piper book, I thought it really helped get to the heart of our Christian lives.
It shows the two types of Christianity, the "do the right things, say the right things" kind and the kind where God is given permission to work in our hearts and make us who we can't be on our own.
But it's so hard to give God my heart and leave it with Him and not take it back. I keep attempting to be a Christian on my own, even though I know it won't work.

I'm still struggling with joy and finding it. It's so easy to blame external factors: lack of sleep, business etc. but I know it's deeper than that.
It's a reflection of my heart and where I'm at with God. But I keep trying harder instead of just letting God.

The book "When I don't Desire God: How to fight for joy" caught my attention, so I just started reading it online. That's where that quote is from.

“Restore to me the
joy of your salvation” (Ps. 51:12)